Re: New EPL/Football thread 2008 (II)

by Zat Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:35

Ah, between clown

and

Mebbe I need to get the royal Zoggian eyes checked.

by skully Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:35

Maybe.

by skully Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:36

If I were you, I'd have the Royal Optometrist's guts on a plate.

by Zat Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:36

skully wrote:
Zat wrote:Mind you, it is enabling the SAffie hunt to proceed apace.
Has he twigged? His work server is r00ted, so take the chance while you can.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It is unfortunately inevitable eventually. but I have to go and work in Canberra for three weeks very soon. Won't be any foruming time while I'm there, I suspect.

by Zat Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:36

skully wrote:If I were you, I'd have the Royal Optometrist's guts on a plate.

Cannibalism is illegal on Zog.

by skully Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:36

"unfortunately inevitable eventually"

What a mangulation of grammar. Cool

by Zat Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:37

And suddenlyy we're down to single digits.

by skully Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:37

Easy now, just 7 to go.

by Zat Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:37

LIke I care about grammar or spelling on this quest...

by skully Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:37

by skully Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:37

by Zat Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:37

Careful.

5...

by Zat Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:38

by skully Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:38

It's your honour

by Zat Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:38

Are Thunderbirds go?

by skully Sun 20 Sep 2009, 07:38

Let it slide...............

by WideWally Sun 04 Oct 2009, 15:26

Is Norman Hunter still playing?

He were great.

Bite yer legs

by WideWally Thu 08 Oct 2009, 16:09

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST (New Version, by "Chopper" Harris)

ACT ONE

Morning Room in Algernon's Flat, in Half-Moon Street, London W1.

TIME :- "The Present"

The Room is luxuriously and artistically furnished.

The sound of a piano is heard in an adjoining Room.

Lane is arranging Afternoon Tea on the table, and after the music has ceased, Algernon enters.

ALGERNON :- Lorimer had a great game, Don?

LANE :- Yes, fantastic goal, nobody could have stopped that!!

ALGERNON :- Mind you, I think Clarke laid the ball off nicely for him.

LANE :- Yes, he had a good game!

Enter "Chopper" Harris.

ALGERNON :- Hello, Chopper!

Chopper brings Algernon down from behind.

LANE :- For God's sake, Ref., did you see that, he nearly took his left leg off!!

CHOPPER :- I fell over!!!

Enter Jackie Charlton.

JACKIE :- I'll get him, Algie!!

LANE :- Watch out, Jackie, Chopper's lethal!!

Curtain

ACT TWO

Garden at the Manor House, Woolton.

A flight of grey stone steps leads up to the House.

The Garden is full of roses.

There are two basket chairs and a table covered with books.

Miss Prism is seated, Cecily is watering flowers.

Johnny Giles floats in a perfect, swerving corner from the left.

Paul Madeley nods it into the net.

CECILY :- Great Goal, Paul!!

Curtain

ACT THREE

The Changing Room at Elland Road, home of Leeds United Soccer Club.

The air is thick with steam from the Baths.

Soccer boots and mud-stained white shirts lay discarded on the floor.

Occasional shouts and splashes are heard.

Lady Bracknell comes over from the Team's Bath.....

LADY BRACKNELL :- Great goal, Paul, just what we needed!

PAUL MADELEY :- Thanks, Boss!!

Enter "Chopper" Harris.

He brings Lady Bracknell down with a sliding tackle and a series of short left jabs to the head.

ALGERNON :- He's done it again!!

CHOPPER :- I slipped on the soap!!!

Curtain

ACT FOUR

The Conference Room at the Club's Annual Director's Meeting.

The atmosphere is both tense and foreboding.

Jackie Charlton awaits disciplinary action for what was a vicious response to Chopper Harris's accidental actions.

Chairman Ken Bates addresses the Meeting thus........

KEN BATES :- Did anyone see the Chrysanthemums peering lucratively behind the Rhododendron Bushes at Lake Futtock last weekend? Absolutely glorious flock of colour, and the Moss beside them was simply Sepia-enhanced!!

JACKIE CHARLTON :- Such a sight to behold, Kenny!!

TESSA, THE TEA-LADY :- Aye, I noticed that as I was pushing Harold's wheelchair into the Lake for the very last time - moaning Bastard!!

KEN BATES :- Lake Futtock, was it?!

TESSA :- No, Lake Lucerne, you Tosspot!!

KEN BATES :- But how is that possible??!!

TESSA :- Me eyesight's ******' good, ain't it!!!

JACKIE CHARLTON :- If I may interrupt here temporarily, as it were, I feel that what Tessa is trying to say is that she has such phenomenal Psychic Powers and such high Visionary qualities that, although she was, indeed, many, many miles away, indeed, in another Country, she was, at that very moment, as she was veering her husband's futile body towards Lake Lucerne and therefore, imminent Doom, able to transcend her visual qualities to such a level as to witness, albeit second-hand, the aforementioned "Sight to Behold", mentioned by Mr. Bates himself?!?!

Enter "Chopper" Harris, with Samurai sword.......

CHOPPER :- Shut up, you!!!!

The Victim, Jackie Charlton, falls swiftly to the floor, cut savagely in two by what appears to be a rather vengeful-looking Chopper Harris.

JACKIE CHARLTON :- Ouch!!! Well, there's Justice for you......

CHOPPER :- WHAT??!!?! It's just a coincidence!! I was just passing through...........!!!!

Final Curtain

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