Vikas is now writing for cricinfo

Approach an English friend in a social gathering and use this knock knock joke:

You: Knock knock!
English friend: Who's there?
Alastair Cook
Alastair Cook who?
Sorry, Cook has already got out. This is now Jonathan Trott.
Jonathan Trott who?
Too late. Caught behind. I am Ian Bell...


Play this game as long as your English friend will.

Brass Monkey wrote:Just to think, there's Dello at home... lazily wanking into his Womble's toboggan and Cricinfo are employing wholly unfunny jingoistic shitweasels to write articles of 'hilarity'.

To borrow a sh!t phrase from those cockchokers from across the pond - 'Go figure'.

Brass Monkey wrote:Good point, the double whammy... post spazzed-up horseshit as Sidin Vadukut so that his normal stuff seems immeasurably more funny. He's crafty.

G.Wood wrote:It would be the sort of thing Dello would dare himself to do

How sh1t can I write and still be seen as a subcontinental comic genius

G.Wood wrote:oh sh1t, that means he could be smerk and horace as well

Some utterly banal freak wrote:

* * * *

Ponty Manesar shares a room with Shaun Udal, one of his spin rivals in the England team. Udal notes that Ponty is not too good at taking catches. So he decides to tire his rival out the night before a game. He buys a crazy ball, and says to Ponty, “Catch, Ponty!” Then he throws the crazy ball at a wall, and as it bounces from wall to wall, young Ponty runs around madly trying to catch it, arms and legs flailing here and there. Every once in a while, Udal throws another crazy ball at a wall and shouts, “catch, Ponty!”

* * *

Ponty is appealing in his sleep (verb, not adjective) when Udal, disturbed by the noise, shakes him awake and says “Ponty, keep it down!” Then he turns and goes back to sleep.

Poor Ponty wonders what it is that Udal wants him to keep down. He looks all around him and, not finding anything else, puts the phone on the floor.

* * *

A few minutes later, an idea strikes Ponty: Udal is his rival for a place in the side, and here’s Ponty’s chance to make him ill so he can’t play. Ponty gets up and puts on thermal underwear. Then he wears his thickest shirt, and a pair of corduroy trousers. Then he puts on a sweater, a jacket and a monkey cap over his patka. Then he lowers the AC temperature as far as it will go and gets into bed, and waits for Udal to fall ill.

After five minutes Ponty is asleep. Udal wakes up and feels a bit cold. He turns off the AC. Then he looks at Ponty, sees the way he’s dressed, shakes his head sadly, and goes to sleep.

* * *

Udal is chatting with Ponty in the morning. “Plunkett has an inferiority complex,” he says, “and Vaughany has a superiority complex.”

“That’s nothing,” says Ponty. “My uncle in Ludhiana has a shopping complex.”

* * *

Brass Monkey wrote:I mean, check some of this out. F*cking ridiculous.

Some utterly banal freak wrote:

* * * *

Ponty Manesar shares a room with Shaun Udal, one of his spin rivals in the England team. Udal notes that Ponty is not too good at taking catches. So he decides to tire his rival out the night before a game. He buys a crazy ball, and says to Ponty, “Catch, Ponty!” Then he throws the crazy ball at a wall, and as it bounces from wall to wall, young Ponty runs around madly trying to catch it, arms and legs flailing here and there. Every once in a while, Udal throws another crazy ball at a wall and shouts, “catch, Ponty!”

* * *

Ponty is appealing in his sleep (verb, not adjective) when Udal, disturbed by the noise, shakes him awake and says “Ponty, keep it down!” Then he turns and goes back to sleep.

Poor Ponty wonders what it is that Udal wants him to keep down. He looks all around him and, not finding anything else, puts the phone on the floor.

* * *

A few minutes later, an idea strikes Ponty: Udal is his rival for a place in the side, and here’s Ponty’s chance to make him ill so he can’t play. Ponty gets up and puts on thermal underwear. Then he wears his thickest shirt, and a pair of corduroy trousers. Then he puts on a sweater, a jacket and a monkey cap over his patka. Then he lowers the AC temperature as far as it will go and gets into bed, and waits for Udal to fall ill.

After five minutes Ponty is asleep. Udal wakes up and feels a bit cold. He turns off the AC. Then he looks at Ponty, sees the way he’s dressed, shakes his head sadly, and goes to sleep.

* * *

Udal is chatting with Ponty in the morning. “Plunkett has an inferiority complex,” he says, “and Vaughany has a superiority complex.”

“That’s nothing,” says Ponty. “My uncle in Ludhiana has a shopping complex.”

* * *

Was just castigating SG in another thread for thinking this ODI series made up for the whitewash.... It seems he isn't alone.

No amount of ODI wins can erase that 4-0. Just that we don't shout from rooftops that we care for test wins more.