Re: New Zealand v England, 2nd Test, Wellington, 14-18 March, 2013

by PeterCS Fri 15 Mar 2013, 14:10

Damn shortcake!

by Brass Monkey Fri 15 Mar 2013, 14:42

Dello wrote:
If you can't handle the truth, stay out of the truth kitchen.

And don't order the oathcakes.

At least you didn't say 'on the contrary'. It's a start. Nows all we need to do is stop you dishing out your notes to no-marks.

by beamer Fri 15 Mar 2013, 19:06

Dello wrote:He was always a batsman who rolled the dice and would "come off" on occasion and implode on others. Not much has changed. Except the hair. And that's for the best.

He averaged over 50 in each of the calendar years 2006, '07 and '08. That was his peak really, since his injuries the following year he's not been quite the same force (only averaging 50+ in one year since, though curiously that was a career best 73 in 2011, boosted by an unbeaten double century in a year he only played 8 Tests).

by eowyn Fri 15 Mar 2013, 21:50

PeterCS wrote:Here's the latest England 'form' batting lineup:

1 Kick Numpty
2 Callous Trucker
3 Ton-athon Chart
4 Peevin' Conceiter
5 You Mire Prat
6 Thievin' Tins (Cockanee pronunciation)
7 Image Ganderson
8 Raw Jute
9 Be In Hell
10 Stored Brew Wart
11 Pantyman Stare

'Trucker' stays as opener, as he is allowed the odd fail.

Is this The Times cryptic crossword version of the England line up racing at Cheltenham today?????

by eowyn Fri 15 Mar 2013, 21:51

And Broad gets another.

by doctorspin Fri 15 Mar 2013, 22:00

JIMMMMAAAAAHHHH

by JGK Fri 15 Mar 2013, 22:00

Jimmy gets one too. Thrashing on the cards here.

by eowyn Fri 15 Mar 2013, 22:05

Nice image to gander...

by smo Fri 15 Mar 2013, 23:37

Finn is shite. Why did Cook keep him on so long? Brainless!!

by Henry Sat 16 Mar 2013, 00:03

Finn has been disappointing. Why do so many young England quicks fall into this "enforcer" trap? Just bowl a good length FFS. Bowl it short to mcCullum- get hit for four. Don't bowl it short to mcCullum- don't get hit for four. Simple, really.

by beamer Sat 16 Mar 2013, 00:30

smo - is that silly mid on (or was it off?) from the C4 days?

by Basil Sat 16 Mar 2013, 01:16

Dello wrote:
Gary 111 wrote:
beamer wrote:
Henry wrote:KP hasn't been all that convincing. I maintain that he was a better batsman at the start of his international career than he is now.
Well, he's not so consistent these days and often takes a while to get into his stride, both in innings and tour/series terms. .

First year of Pietersen's Test career:

22 innings
890 runs
2 hundreds (158 vs Aus, 100 vs Pak)
5 fifties
42.58 batting average
68.04 strike rate

Last year of Pietersen's Test career:

22 innings
1071 runs
3 hundreds (151 vs Sri Lanka, 149 vs SA, 186 vs India)
5 fifties
51.00 batting average
66.11 strike rate

The memory. It lies.

Mine doesn't - those two hundreds in 2005 were fluke-ridden. Dropped three times before he reached 40 against Aus, and that ton in Pakistan was of the "check if anyone's got a new leather jacket" variety, so often was he shelled - including on 96, going for the glory stroke, which he got next ball, and the perished the following ball doing the same thing.

He was always a batsman who rolled the dice and would "come off" on occasion and implode on others. Not much has changed. Except the hair. And that's for the best.

Oh dear, is this another one of those tiresome KP is bollocks conversations?

by Basil Sat 16 Mar 2013, 01:22

Deary me: Beefy banging on about the lack of a third man. Just like Jim Laker did when he was commentating about Beefy's bowling

by LeFromage Sat 16 Mar 2013, 02:09

Five-for for the Stu Rat.

Has probably regained his place as opening bowler as well, due to the continued impotence of Finn.

All in all, he's come back well. He even talked the captain out of referring an LBW decision off his own bowling yesterday.

Who is this guy, and what's he done with Stuart Broad?

by LeFromage Sat 16 Mar 2013, 02:10

12 needed to avoid the follow on - but would England enforce it anyway?

by LeFromage Sat 16 Mar 2013, 02:14

Six-for. Done and done.

by skully Sat 16 Mar 2013, 02:21

Hello, Sturat has exhibited his one in every 4 years display of bowling and bagged 6!! FMD!! Shocked

Will they enforce?

by JGK Sat 16 Mar 2013, 02:25

Strange decision to enforce the follow on having bowled 90 overs.

by skully Sat 16 Mar 2013, 02:42

Cyclone Sandra looks like dumping rain tomorrow and beyond. Possibly the reason for enforcing.

by Brass Monkey Sat 16 Mar 2013, 05:10

JGK wrote:Strange decision to enforce the follow on having bowled 90 overs.

Remember, this is England - we're not obsessed with wrapping our bowlers in cotton wool and giving them a comforting cuddle.

by skully Sat 16 Mar 2013, 05:55

Brass Monkey wrote:
JGK wrote:Strange decision to enforce the follow on having bowled 90 overs.

Remember, this is England - we're not obsessed with wrapping our bowlers in cotton wool and giving them a comforting cuddle.

That's a fair call, Dan. Maybe some of our bowlers should get some County hardness into them.

by Brass Monkey Sat 16 Mar 2013, 06:07

skully wrote:
That's a fair call, Dan. Maybe some of our bowlers should get some County hardness into them.

I don't think it's about that - all of ours have had their injuries - only to a lesser extent. I just meant that the way Aus are going, everything seems about 'preserving'. It's not right!

by skully Sat 16 Mar 2013, 06:50

Agreed 100%. It's weak as piss. The likes of Fred Trueman and Brian Statham would be turning in their graves.

by LeFromage Sat 16 Mar 2013, 07:54

Brass Monkey wrote:
JGK wrote:Strange decision to enforce the follow on having bowled 90 overs.

Remember, this is England - we're not obsessed with wrapping our bowlers in cotton wool and giving them a comforting cuddle.

Although maybe we should've: Jimmy was bowling at 76mph in that final session and looks finished.

Oh, who am I kidding - I just want to give them all cuddles, all the time.

by LeFromage Sat 16 Mar 2013, 07:57

skully wrote:Hello, Sturat has exhibited his one in every 4 years display of bowling and bagged 6!! FMD!!

It's the one time in every four years "the most intelligent bowler I've ever worked with" (MP Vaughan) remembers that ALL of his success in cricket has come from pitching the ball up and trying to hit the top of off stump.

Like a shit remake of Memento, he'll have forgotten all of this in the morning.

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