KP's Book

Classic Big Cheese.

Yep, this is (and will be) hilarious ... in the course of time!

He comes across (in the interview in the DT) as full of anger and bravado.
Okay, blowing his trumpet about his record is fully understandable, but ... the bit where
he tells Flower that he is not afraid of him goes a tad beyond the pale IMO.

There's no doubt that he hates the dickhead Prior ... and it seems, rightly so.
We are all aware that Prior has a big gob and, worse still, he carried unspoken injuries through Test matches ...
which is, frankly, unforgivable.

Agree KP's a distance off the chase as far as regaining his England spot - but hey, never say never.

There is absolutely no doubt however, that he was (is) a unique batsman and I agree with everything
he said about going in to bat and to play HIS way ... viz., torment the oppos; score rapidly; inflict fear
into oppo bowlers; dominate ... and frankly, there is NOBODY (bar perhaps Buttler given time) who
will ever fill that roll again in an England shirt.

Another thing ... I do not believe now that KP was always "playing for himself" ... he was doing a job,
and I suspect that when things went awry and he cocked it, the "playing for himself" phrase was
adopted and put out by others and used to discredit him for his failing/s.

He is no saint, our KP .... but he certainly is not the sinner he's been made out to be by Giles Clarke and Co.

Brass Monkey wrote:This IS fun.

OK, he comes across a bit Alan Partridge (Needless to say, I had the last laugh-stylee), but I love how he's highlighting the fact that those bowlers are a bunch of qunts, as is Twat Prior. They're all getting a serve they deserve.

I can't wait to read it, now. I thought it would have a few scores to settle, but I didn't know the depth in which he would go.

Can't, for the life of me, see how he has even an iota of a chance at playing for England again. He needs a shitload of games under his belt and, as is stated, about four major, major sackings for it to happen. I'd love the sackings to happen, as they're a bunch of qunts, but it's not going to happen.

I'm not convinced he will even play another game of FC cricket. He's mentally semi-retired already. A couple of years of freelance T20, with form hit and miss at best, then full-time media personality no doubt.

I wonder what Kelvin will do with his life, post cricket/score settling.

He's not very bright, articulate, charming or personable. His brief sojourns into the commentary box have been as unmemorable as watching Nick Knight creosote his fence.

The only way he's going to become a "media personality" is if he does Strictly Come Dancing or I'm a Celebrity... or some such desperate, undignified toss.

Yeah, that's exactly the sort of thing I expect we will see him on...

The first sentence of your second paragraph, however, makes him ideally qualified for a top job at the ECB.

"Professional twat" is increasingly a viable career though, you just need to be vaguely famous for doing something a while back, whether that be sport, music, appearing on a reality show etc, then just keep getting your face out there and saying something a bit controversial from time to time.

MoH wrote:Classic Big Cheese.

not so much dirt on BabyBell though?

Dello wrote:He's not very bright, articulate, charming or personable. His brief sojourns into the commentary box have been as unmemorable as watching Nick Knight creosote his fence.

KP = Mr Creosote?

Bizarre review.

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2014/oct/06/kp-the-autobiography-barney-ronay-review

“the Big Cheese has earned some beer tonight!”

Maybe Prior moonlights here as the moderator??!!

Sounds like this might get all a bit "handbags at 12 paces".

While the topic of bullying will remain allegations and counters, he does have a point about the bowlers' behaviour.

Good to see the ashes entertainment finally begin.

So which team mate was responsible for the parody twitter account? Got to be Swann, hasn't it?

Can't decide whether all of these revelations make it easier to swallow the bad results as it's quite nice to see such a barrel of qunts taken down a peg or whether I'm just angry that all of this has been allowed to unfold. Bit of both probably.

So the ECB's party line on wanting a happy clappy dressing room is actually more along the lines of "If you don't accept the big cheese and friends being a total dick to you then you're finished you f*ck."

vilkrang wrote:So which team mate was responsible for the parody twitter account? Got to be Swann, hasn't it?

Can't decide whether all of these revelations make it easier to swallow the bad results as it's quite nice to see such a barrel of qunts taken down a peg or whether I'm just angry that all of this has been allowed to unfold. Bit of both probably.

So the ECB's party line on wanting a happy clappy dressing room is actually more along the lines of "If you don't accept the big cheese and friends being a total dick to you then you're finished you f*ck."

Not sure where I heard this - but one theory about the Twitter account is that Jimmy Taylor was rumoured to be involved.

Name me a dressing room over the years that hasn't had issues. 

Half of Shane Warne's teammates couldn't stand him, but they were able to get over it and play as one ON THE FIELD, where it really matters (and where the public, who couldn't give a shit about what happens in the dressing room, sees the team the most). No one lost their job because of Warne;s personality, no one started a parody twitter account, no clique in the team forced him out, because Warne WON THEM CRICKET MATCHES. And honestly, at the end of the day, that's all that matters from a team perspective, from the perspective of the fans, and from a financial perspective (as winning produces more money for everyone involved with the team)

KP was and is a dick. He himself would probably admit that. But the other players in that England team were and are being complete dicks too by a)trying to undermine Pietersen, and b) not admitting they THEY TOO ARE DICKS! 

The majority of the top cricketers in the world are dicks. Complete arrogant c*nts with massive egos. I can think of only Rahul Dravid,  VVS Laxman, Garry Sobers, and to a lesser extent Kumar Sangakkara (lesser extent because he can be a cheeky bugger on the field)  as examples of great players who WEREN'T dicks. Warne? Dick. Richards? Dick. Botham? Dick. Bradman? (allegedly) Dick. Lillee? Dick. Gavaskar? Dick. Lara? Dick. Mcgrath? Dick....I could go on....

The 'nice guys' like Cook and Strauss, get too touchy about criticism that comes their way, and end up resigning in tears because they couldn't handle a life amongst all those dicks. 

So in conclusion- To be a top cricketer you have to be a dick. A c*nt. You have to think that you are always right, that you are better and that your opinions hold more weight and are better-informed than others. 

Australia tried to deny this for 2-3 years recently and their cricket nose-dived. At the start of the last Ashes the penny finally dropped that they play much better cricket when they start acting like c*nts both to the opposition and each other, and they hammered England 5-0.

Until England accept that the best cricket teams need complete f*ckeheads in them with strong opinions, they will be f*cked as a cricket team. Mid-table mediocrity will be the norm, as businessmen...."company men" as KP calls them; posing as cricketers stink up the joint, feeding the media their corporate bile, denying massive problems, even as the 'share price' of English cricket continues to plummet.

C*nts.

vilkrang wrote:So which team mate was responsible for the parody twitter account? Got to be Swann, hasn't it?

Turned out to be a non-cricketing mate of Broad's, didn't it? But that was a pure coincidence, Stuey claimed at the time.

We only have KP's version of course, but if what he says about a bullying culture is even only 50% true - that's deplorable. I'm all for playing it hard, but when it comes to publicly humiliating fellow players on the field for a dropped catch - or preventing senior players from socialising with more junior players, that is totally unacceptable in my opinion.

I don't get this apologising for a catch bit. Isn't it normal if you drop one. I did a lot of apologising.

It's only right that the stories come out after English sport's biggest ever humiliation at the hands of a mediocre Aussie team. Anyone who got selected again or kept their job behind the scenes should count themselves extremely lucky, it was that bad.

We'll probably hear conflicting accounts from several involved over the next few years as their careers end and they publish their books - in any case though, as Trev says it's a case of managing the qunts (or dicks - can you be both, unless you were Bob Cunis?) and the coach has to carry the can for not dealing with situations. If anything it shows we need a manager, football style, not a coach and selection panel. A single person accountable for all selection and personnel management decisions. In situations where it becomes "me or him" between two egos, deciding which one to cut adrift. I know you need assistants to watch all the county cricket, but you can't manage these types of people by committee in the 21st century.

...Lara? Dick....

Lara ... a dick ?!!
Since when ?

I agree that the allegation of bullying is the most serious factor in KP's book. Apologising for a catch or
having the finger pointed at you by the Big Cheese ....
(PMSL @ the reference - a Dairylea segment thinking he was a Brie!)

Vaughan writes a good column on the fall-out in the DT today ... basically he is on KP's side
(bar the Strauss texting)... one of his comments rings perfectly true -  
"England did not work out how to bring out the best of KP" ...

Anyway, KP is on Breakfast TV on the Beeb at 8:40 this morning.
Interesting  .....

Merlin wrote:

...Lara? Dick....

Lara ... a dick ?!!
Since when ?

I agree that the allegation of bullying is the most serious factor in KP's book. Apologising for a catch or
having the finger pointed at you by the Big Cheese ....
(PMSL @ the reference - a Dairylea segment thinking he was a Brie!)

Vaughan writes a good column on the fall-out in the DT today ... basically he is on KP's side
(bar the Strauss texting)... one of his comments rings perfectly true -  
"England did not work out how to bring out the best of KP" ...

Anyway, KP is on Breakfast TV on the Beeb at 8:40 this morning.
Interesting  .....

He fell out with half the senior players and threatened to walk out on a tour of England back in 1995.

A fall out over pay with the WI Cricket Board and a verbal clash with Richie Richardson makes him a dick?!
Dunno about his falling out with half the senior players though ....

Henry wrote:Name me a dressing room over the years that hasn't had issues. 

Half of Shane Warne's teammates couldn't stand him, but they were able to get over it and play as one ON THE FIELD, where it really matters (and where the public, who couldn't give a shit about what happens in the dressing room, sees the team the most). No one lost their job because of Warne;s personality, no one started a parody twitter account, no clique in the team forced him out, because Warne WON THEM CRICKET MATCHES. And honestly, at the end of the day, that's all that matters from a team perspective, from the perspective of the fans, and from a financial perspective (as winning produces more money for everyone involved with the team)

KP was and is a dick. He himself would probably admit that. But the other players in that England team were and are being complete dicks too by a)trying to undermine Pietersen, and b) not admitting they THEY TOO ARE DICKS! 

The majority of the top cricketers in the world are dicks. Complete arrogant c*nts with massive egos. I can think of only Rahul Dravid,  VVS Laxman, Garry Sobers, and to a lesser extent Kumar Sangakkara (lesser extent because he can be a cheeky bugger on the field)  as examples of great players who WEREN'T dicks. Warne? Dick. Richards? Dick. Botham? Dick. Bradman? (allegedly) Dick. Lillee? Dick. Gavaskar? Dick. Lara? Dick. Mcgrath? Dick....I could go on....

The 'nice guys' like Cook and Strauss, get too touchy about criticism that comes their way, and end up resigning in tears because they couldn't handle a life amongst all those dicks. 

So in conclusion- To be a top cricketer you have to be a dick. A c*nt. You have to think that you are always right, that you are better and that your opinions hold more weight and are better-informed than others. 

Australia tried to deny this for 2-3 years recently and their cricket nose-dived. At the start of the last Ashes the penny finally dropped that they play much better cricket when they start acting like c*nts both to the opposition and each other, and they hammered England 5-0.

Until England accept that the best cricket teams need complete f*ckeheads in them with strong opinions, they will be f*cked as a cricket team. Mid-table mediocrity will be the norm, as businessmen...."company men" as KP calls them; posing as cricketers stink up the joint, feeding the media their corporate bile, denying massive problems, even as the 'share price' of English cricket continues to plummet.

C*nts.

Now for the long run!

Merlin wrote:A fall out over pay with the WI Cricket Board and a verbal clash with Richie Richardson makes him a dick?!
Dunno about his falling out with half the senior players though ....

I think Lara qualifies.

In the latest in a series of controversial incidents, Lara twice had prompted "unsatisfactory reports," the statement said of the player's outbursts during the February-March World Cup tour.


There were Lara's inflammatory remarks in the Kenyan dressing room after a humiliating loss to the rookie Kenyans -- when Lara allegedly said it was worse losing to the all-white South African team in the 1992 World Cup -- and his abusive attack and racial slurs aimed at the team's Australian-born physiotherapist Dennis Waight, a white man, on the flight from Bombay to London after the tournament.

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/sitemap/free/1996/5/article/disciplinary-committee-taps-brian-laras-wrist/324243.html