Re: The Thread of Worship Towards the Almighty James Taylor

[JKLever]

Notts do it again eh Gus? How do you bring all these talents to English cricket?

[Chivalry Augustus]

Notts do it again eh Gus? How do you bring all these talents to English cricket?

Envy ill befits you. Everybody knows Nottinghamshire are the model county within English cricket. Sometimes we build, sometimes we recycle, other times we pillage and take the best for our own. Wee Jimmy has only been free of Leicester for a few months but he's already a much better cricketer. Look at those darling hands tonight. He never played like that at Leicestershire. He was just a little prod and push merchant. Now he's a batting goliath. Watch the big scores come in succession now. And not poxy Div Two big scores like Bairstow's making against shit weasels like Daggett or whatever the f*ck shit they come up with in Div Two now. I'm talking real Div One scores against men. I think it's a real sign of Taylor's quality that he's not hiding away in Div Two like Bopara, sticking with a sh*tty nowhere county because it's about his level. Jimmy's the real class act of this generation of English players and he's about to show it.

Watch this f*cking space you jealous, fat, ugly c*nts.

Except you, Monkey. I get the feeling you're well on this Jimmy bandwagon and I 'preciate it.

[Brass Monkey]

Bairstow's making against shit weasels like Daggett or whatever the f*ck shit they come up with in Div Two now.

Word.

Except you, Monkey. I get the feeling you're well on this Jimmy bandwagon and I 'preciate it.

Mehyeah... anyone but Bairstow or something like that

[Chivalry Augustus]

Hard to believe Daggett's still playing. He's basically the leader of your attack nowadays. Sad times. At least Willey's young and has a highly phallic name to fall back on if his career goes to sh*t. If he's any good, you'll get to see him opening the bowling for Notts in a few years time ...

[Brass Monkey]

Hard to believe Daggett's still playing. He's basically the leader of your attack nowadays. Sad times. At least Willey's young and has a highly phallic name to fall back on if his career goes to sh*t.

Aye, he's deffo leader of the attack - if Northants are resting Vaas and Brooks.

Willey? Don't rate him from the last three or four times I've seen him.

[embee]

Scored 25 for Claremont Nedlands against Melville

[Anthony_Gonzales]

Watched him for the very first time last summer. Was quite an experience. The improvised version of Fire and Rain that he did was so much better than the studio one.

[Brass Monkey]

Quality Gus postage. I miss the little scamp.

[Fred Nerk]

Watched him for the very first time last summer. Was quite an experience. The improvised version of Fire and Rain that he did was so much better than the studio one.

deceased equine flagellation alert!

[Henry]

Jimmy's just a little bit overrated, I reckon. Still not convinced he can get the ball consistently off the square playing cricket against real men. He's fallen well back in the pecking order as well. They could have taken him to India, but they went with Root instead.

[Chivalry Augustus]

Guys, guys.

Let me tell you about this guy.

His name's Jimmy, right?

You got that?

YOU BETTER GOT THAT YOU foggots.

He plays the cricket, but only on weekends. And weekdays.

He's probably four feet tall, on a good day. On a day where he's been left out in the sun for too long and has done got a wee bit stretched out due to the weird physics-warping qualities of sunlight.

Now, he plays his cricket in the Kingdom of Nottinghamshire.

And nary a brave warrior has so far conquered his inconsiderable stature.

To women, he is a dream. He is a sexual man, full of confidence, who is at once full of charm and at twice, full of dash. His flailing bat is not merely a fact, but also a euphemism. For wherever an opposition attack has been decimated, wee Jimmy has also left a flock of women in his wake, agape at his sexual skills.

To men, he is a game-changer. Heterosexuals want to f*ck him. Homosexuals want to f*ck him thrice. But Jimmy maybe doesn't swing that way. I don't know.

I've written him umpteen love letters so I don't think he does.

Anyways. 7 one-day 100s at a lick under 50. It's pretty sexual and rubbish. And he's done it in 144 fewer matches than it done took that brown bloke what's just been re-selected to accrue the same number of 100s!

[skully]

Chiv Gus - always a good read.

[Big Dog]

I see sweet baby James made a thunderous 2 for the Lions....ALL HAIL

[lardbucket]

He's a hunk of steaming junk?

[Chivalry Augustus]

I knew I'd gots me a Jimmy thread somewhere!

I just knew it!

JIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Now where's my Jimmy porn stash got to?

At this point you're probably thinking it ill behoves a man to have a Jimmy fetish.

And you'd be right. Ever since Jimmy burst on to the scene I've been on a downward spiral. Masturbating forty-six times a day, progressing from soft drugs like glue on to polos, tic-tacs, and lately heroin. Oftentimes I am found deep in the darkest haunts of Trent Bridge, sniffing around for small traces of the Jimmy.

I have been arrested eight times. And molested six out of those eight times by particularly pro-molestation police officers. My intransigence in refusing to change my ways has earned me many a good spanking.

But what can you do? Unconventional love knows few bounds.

[PeterCS]

But many bonds.

[Gary 111]

Well, just imagine if you had a Root fetish.

[embee]

50 for Jimmy today

LBW to Behrendorf

[embee]

England's Taylor forced into early retirement
12 April 2016
Taylor played his most recent Test against South Africa in January // Getty
cricket.com.au
Heart condition has permanently sidelined 26-year-old English international
England Test batsman James Taylor has been forced to call an immediate end to his career following the discovery of a rare and serious heart condition that will see him undergo surgery.
Taylor had expected to play for Nottinghamshire in last week's County Championship warm-up fixture against Cambridge University but withdrew with what he believed to be a viral condition.
But specialist scans revealed the 26-year-old has Arrhythmogenic Right Ventricular Arrhythmia (ARVC) a rare but very serious heart condition.
Taylor took to Twitter to say the shock revelation had been "the toughest week of my life" but was keeping a positive outlook for his recovery.
Taylor played the first of his seven Tests against South Africa in 2012 and was part of the England team that beat the Proteas in South Africa last year.
The diminutive middle-order batsman also played 27 one-day internationals and was captain for England’s trip to Ireland last May.
ARVC is a genetic disease and can cause sudden cardiac death.
It is not curable but can be controlled with medicine or the use of a pacemaker.
England Team Director Andrew Strauss said he was shocked and saddened at Taylor's premature retirement.
“Throughout his career, he has constantly impressed with his determination to make the absolute most of his ability, and it is immensely cruel that such a hard working player will be unable to fulfil his great potential in the international arena," Strauss said in a statement released by the ECB. “The ECB will work closely with Nottinghamshire and together we will do everything possible to help James through this difficult period, and aid him in his recovery." Nottinghamshire Director of Cricket Mick Newell said the club was reeling. “He is a model professional, the most hard working I’ve ever known in cricket, making it all the more difficult to accept that his career has been cut short in this way," Newell said. “It goes without saying that he has the very best wishes of us all in terms of recovering from his operation, and that we are looking forward to seeing him back at Trent Bridge when he is fit and able.”

[Henry]

WTF??? Awful news. Must be thoroughly devastating for him. Only 26.....

[taipan]

Terrible shock. I hope he finds something else in cricket.

[Brass Monkey]

Absolutely stunned! Reckon he'd have been integral to our batting efforts against the sides packed with spinners. Gutted for him.

[LeFromage]

Bolt from the blue, that. Devastating for the kid.

[Guest]

Too young to become England batting coach for help against spin?

[Guest]

Dreadful news obviously, gutting to have your career taken away from you at such a young age, never got a test century either. Hopefully he'll find something else (and I wasn't joking about the coaching thing, he plays spin better than most of our batsmen).

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