Australia v England, 1st T20I, Hobart, 29 January, 2014

Qunt Denial gets 4. Well done him.

4-31 is a top notch return for a bowler in this form.

Ravi's been the only Pom to do what was required. Now he runs Dirtbag out.

Good 50 by Ravi.

Ravi likes Smog.

Aus win by 13. Some fun for the punters.

Wreck up from Chavinder - shows why he's in the side. Nothing at all like Danny Bresbach.

Crap bowling, fielding and batting from England. Apart from that they were quite good.

When the required r/r is 11+ and Joe Root walks out during the power play, you know it's all over before it's even begun.

James Manurehead looks promising. Nice control.

Brass Monkey wrote:Wreck up from Chavinder - shows why he's in the side. Nothing at all like Danny Bresbach.

Jesus, has Briggs ever gone backwards. Talk about tonk fodder. He used to spin the ball, they said. He used to rival Swann in the revs he put on the ball, they said.

I don't even know what kind of bowler you'd call him these days. He doesn't spin it. Doesn't dart it. Doesn't do anything - just plops it up there and looks all angelic and shit.

Dernbach is ranked the world's number seven T20 bowler, they said.

They're f*cking idiots.

Dello wrote:
Jesus, has Briggs ever gone backwards. Talk about tonk fodder. He used to spin the ball, they said. He used to rival Swann in the revs he put on the ball, they said.

Yeah? He's always been a lofty dobber in my eyes

Brass Monkey wrote:

Dello wrote:
Jesus, has Briggs ever gone backwards. Talk about tonk fodder. He used to spin the ball, they said. He used to rival Swann in the revs he put on the ball, they said.

Yeah? He's always been a lofty dobber in my eyes

But you've got the eyes of a rapist.

Would have been interesting to see how Bopara would have played had the game not already been gone by the time he came to the crease. Actually it wouldn't have been interesting, it would have been predictable A timid push and prod innings finishing with a dopey dismissal.

What a f*cking frustrating player.

Dello wrote:
But you've got the eyes of a rapist.

And I've got the nose of a Greek lesbian - it changes nothing. Danny Briggs was never anything more than a Paul Allott wank-fetish.

Brass Monkey wrote:

Dello wrote:
But you've got the eyes of a rapist.

And I've got the nose of a Greek lesbian - it changes nothing. Danny Briggs was never anything more than a Paul Allott wank-fetish.

To be fair, Paul Allott has an incredible libido.

He's the kind of guy who could jizz into his own mouth and not feel any degree of post-orgasmic shame.

He's not a good all-rounder though - he can't just take one for the team. He has to have a trendy county to get him going, otherwise his smarmy superiority gives him the flop. He's like a bloke that only gets turned on by sniffing handbags and/or rape.

But rape smells so good...

The act of rape, you drongo.

You know it well.

In fact, I don't think I've seen you and Paul Allott in the same room. Especially when Danny Briggs was there.

There has to be something in that. Luther would find something in that. I'm going to give him a call. And warn Danny Briggs.

I left the game a few overs early to avoid the rush, thinking we had it in the bag but i forgot we had that useless POC Hazlewood. Brett Geeves described the first ball of his last over as the worst ball he had ever seen in international cricket & by the sound of it the rest of the over wasnt much better. I'd really like to know on what basis this guy continues to be selected on.

Brass Monkey wrote:The act of rape, you drongo.

You know it well.

In fact, I don't think I've seen you and Paul Allott in the same room. Especially when Danny Briggs was there.

There has to be something in that. Luther would find something in that. I'm going to give him a call. And warn Danny Briggs.

You will never see me and Allott in the same room, as my job is to work the camera from behind the two-way mirror. And keep an ear out for the rozzers.

Yeah, but you must bury the bodies together - have you ever tried doing it on your own? Hefty old work, that. Almost as much work as stopping oneself buying a ticket to Australia just so one can seek out Jade Dernbach and punch his twatty face.

Big Dog wrote:I left the game a few overs early to avoid the rush, thinking we had it in the bag but i forgot we had that useless POC Hazlewood. Brett Geeves described the first ball of his last over as the worst ball he had ever seen in international cricket & by the sound of it the rest of the over wasnt much better. I'd really like to know on what basis this guy continues to be selected on.

Hazlewood is a quota selection?

taipan wrote:

Big Dog wrote:I left the game a few overs early to avoid the rush, thinking we had it in the bag but i forgot we had that useless POC Hazlewood. Brett Geeves described the first ball of his last over as the worst ball he had ever seen in international cricket & by the sound of it the rest of the over wasnt much better. I'd really like to know on what basis this guy continues to be selected on.

Hazlewood is a quota selection?

Must be, i can't think of any other reason. It certainly is'nt for his bowlig averages....in domestic OR international cricket.

Brass Monkey wrote:Yeah, but you must bury the bodies together - have you ever tried doing it on your own? Hefty old work, that. Almost as much work as stopping oneself buying a ticket to Australia just so one can seek out Jade Dernbach and punch his twatty face.

We don't bury them. We just take them to some random, run-down slum (basically anywhere in England) and prop them up outside the local Threshers, Weekend at Bernie's style; a crude system of pulleys affixed to a live pigeon with piano wire giving the impression of movement, periodically.

Hidden in plain sight. The perfect crime.

Ah so you are in the same room together: Luther. See. I f*cking Luthered you. Expect armed response round your way in 10 minutes

You can't Luther me. Luther's turned into Nelson Mandella. And he's dead now.

Whether he's awkwardly waving at passers by outside a Wetherspoons, I couldn't say.