Ashes 2017-2018 countdown

The pundits/commentators really struggling to defend the squad (Aggers - "weakest we've ever sent" etc.), but also struggling to come up with many plausible alternatives. Says a lot really.

"No debutants" did you say, Littlefinger? So what are Crane, Overton and Foakes then? (Won't argue with the latter of the three, picking the now white ball specialist Buttler would have been as bonkers as... well, some of the other picks).

So, middle order - Vince averages 19 in 7 Tests, no fifties, and sub-35 this county season. Can't see why he would be in the top 10 or 15 candidates for a place. Except perhaps that they want "good blokes" to accompany Stokes, Woakes and Foakes. Simon Mann's observation that coach Colly has a better county average this season (albeit in Div 2) says it all.

Then, Ballance - also averages 19 in his last 12 Tests, a liability against the sort of bowling we will face there. AC Malan, a comparatively astronomical 23. All stats more befitting of a number 9 in modern day Test cricket. The coaches might be too busy, but what does Willy Wonka himself do other than watch county cricket? Must have been someone who has caught his eye.

Only two openers. So if Chef or Stonefish break a finger in catching practice, the captain has to throw himself in at the deep end. Still, guess it matters little as he will be in before the shine is off the new ball whether he bats at 2, 3, 4 or perhaps even 11.

Positives - No Dawson, at least, we've obviously got enough good drinks carriers (even without Hales, who presumably did a good job of carrying Stokes's pint while he allegedly twatted that bloke in Bristol the other night...) No crap ageing spinner dredged up like Gareth Barry, or is it David Batty, last year... oh, and the aforementioned rhyming trio at last making it into the same squad, legal issues and self-inflicted injuries permitting! That's about it really.

Dello wrote:

Nath wrote:England Ashes squad: Joe Root (c), Moeen Ali, James Anderson, Jonny Bairstow, Jake Ball, Gary Ballance, Stuart Broad, Alastair Cook, Mason Crane, Ben Foakes, Dawid Malan, Craig Overton, Ben Stokes, Mark Stoneman, James Vince, Chris Woakes.

We've woken up back in the 1990s. I've gargled stronger piss.

Parklife.

Nice to know our former Grand Poobah is still lurking.

I agree the squad looks weak on paper, with no obvious solution to the current top order issues being suffered by Engulund. And Foakes got a run to go with Stokes and Woakes. Onya Blokes.

God help England if either Jimmeh or Sturat break down.

We'll see, I guess.

skully wrote:

Dello wrote:

Nath wrote:England Ashes squad: Joe Root (c), Moeen Ali, James Anderson, Jonny Bairstow, Jake Ball, Gary Ballance, Stuart Broad, Alastair Cook, Mason Crane, Ben Foakes, Dawid Malan, Craig Overton, Ben Stokes, Mark Stoneman, James Vince, Chris Woakes.

We've woken up back in the 1990s. I've gargled stronger piss.

Parklife.

Nice to know our former Grand Poobah is still lurking.  

I agree the squad looks weak on paper, with no obvious solution to the current top order issues being suffered by Engulund. And Foakes got a run to go with Stokes and Woakes. Onya Blokes.  

I wonder if footballer Sam Vokes fancies a change of sport? And any descendants of TV presenter John Noakes?

A portent of "chokes"?

Maybe this squad is all a hoax... it certainly contains a few jokes.

beamer wrote:

skully wrote:

Dello wrote:

Nath wrote:England Ashes squad: Joe Root (c), Moeen Ali, James Anderson, Jonny Bairstow, Jake Ball, Gary Ballance, Stuart Broad, Alastair Cook, Mason Crane, Ben Foakes, Dawid Malan, Craig Overton, Ben Stokes, Mark Stoneman, James Vince, Chris Woakes.

We've woken up back in the 1990s. I've gargled stronger piss.

Parklife.

Nice to know our former Grand Poobah is still lurking.  

I agree the squad looks weak on paper, with no obvious solution to the current top order issues being suffered by Engulund. And Foakes got a run to go with Stokes and Woakes. Onya Blokes.  

I wonder if footballer Sam Vokes fancies a change of sport? And any descendants of TV presenter John Noakes?

Alfie Noakes will be on tour.

beamer wrote:Maybe this squad is all a hoax... it certainly contains a few jokes.

It's sure to coax some folks to the grounds to watch some strokes. I hope they pack their cokes, smokes and artichokes.

lardbucket wrote:

beamer wrote:

skully wrote:

Dello wrote:

Nath wrote:England Ashes squad: Joe Root (c), Moeen Ali, James Anderson, Jonny Bairstow, Jake Ball, Gary Ballance, Stuart Broad, Alastair Cook, Mason Crane, Ben Foakes, Dawid Malan, Craig Overton, Ben Stokes, Mark Stoneman, James Vince, Chris Woakes.

We've woken up back in the 1990s. I've gargled stronger piss.

Parklife.

Nice to know our former Grand Poobah is still lurking.  

I agree the squad looks weak on paper, with no obvious solution to the current top order issues being suffered by Engulund. And Foakes got a run to go with Stokes and Woakes. Onya Blokes.  

I wonder if footballer Sam Vokes fancies a change of sport? And any descendants of TV presenter John Noakes?

Alfie Noakes will be on tour.

He might get a game then...

skully wrote:

beamer wrote:Maybe this squad is all a hoax... it certainly contains a few jokes.

It's sure to coax some folks to the grounds to watch some strokes. I hope they pack their cokes, smokes and artichokes.

Like any of those three would have a chance of getting past the Nazis at the gates

Stokes revokes.

An English Ashes team without Stokes.....is it even worth contemplating? Looks like we might have to.

Who would replace him in the squad? If it’s like for like then......Jordan Clark from Lancashire?? Rikki f*cking Clarke??? Clark Kent?? Because it certainly won’t be superman......

Chris Jordan?

Stokes is still in the squad. If he comes here, I expect he might cop some noisy criticism.

But if he does the right thing and withdraws, this could be high time to restore English cricket"s 'heart of oak' - I Ronald Bell.

Even the pale imitation of Bell we've seen in county cricket the past couple of years would probably do no worse than the top order batsmen we've picked... Vince is basically Bell-lite anyway.

If Stokes doesn't go, I think we just pick another batsman in the squad but replace him with a bowler in the XI. Just means we only have all-rounders down to number 8...

Great. The Ashes needs the gravitas IRB brings.

Anyway I'd probably just go with another opener in the squad, given the glaring omission of a backup. Although some sort of "wild card" player as a more like for like replacement might be tempting to the selectors.

PeterCS wrote:Dello!!!!!

There IS a god ...


Good to see you in a grim time, Jay. I hope (obviously) all is well with you.

He's got 2 posts. Don't encourage the f*cking newb, he should earn his place here.

furriner wrote:

PeterCS wrote:Dello!!!!!

There IS a god ...


Good to see you in a grim time, Jay. I hope (obviously) all is well with you.

He's got 2 posts.  Don't encourage the f*cking newb, he should earn his place here.

Hehehe

http://www.theage.com.au/sport/cricket/ben-stokes-englands-desperation-to-win-the-ashes-shows-in-weak-response-20170928-gyqo0e.html

Malcolm Knox thinks that England is going soft.

Of course there are different rules for different St(r)okes.

Back to the squad. It DOES appear to be a bit of a shocker.

I’ve never been impressed by Whittaker in the interviews he gives. Always sounds hesitant, jumbling his words, and getting all defensive. How has he survived this long? There’s also no logic for picking Ballance and Vince. Makes no sense. If Vince in particular is so brilliant, why didn’t they consider him at all this summer? They kept overlooking him for other players and then suddenly. Whittaker is saying how actually, we think he’s brilliant. Yeah right.....And he’s still only averaging mid 30s this season in division one. I think I’m correct in saying his average in division 1 is something like 33. That’s across three seasons now. And his test performances were a worry. It wasn’t so much his lack of runs, but the fact that he seemed to be unable/unwilling to toughen up and adjust his game to the higher level. Kept getting out the same way which is exactly the same as Westley, but at least Westley made a 50 against a good South African attack.

Ballance is only there because he’s Root’s best mate. I get sick of people talking about his “character”. What about his shitty, back foot, poking, prodding technique FFS?? Isn’t that more important than character??

I would honestly feel more confident if Jos Buttler was in there as a specialist batting option.

And what about a bowler with a bit of pace? They’re pretty much all in the 80-85mph range, whilst all of Australia’s bowlers barring Hazlewood will be 90mph plus. If Wood isn’t fit then surely someone like George Garton would be a good gamble to take as a squad pick. This squad just has a whole bunch of right arm medium fast bowlers who will be lined up by Australia’s batsmen on flat pitches against he kookaburra ball. It’s like we haven’t learnt a thing from 2013-14. One of the big factors in our 2010-11 win was Tremlett steaming in and bowling 88mph at a height of 6’9. Scared the shit out of the Aussie top order.

horace wrote:Stokes is still in the squad. If he comes here, I expect he might cop some noisy criticism.

[Balmy Army sings]
15 punches in a minute
Is what Stokesy does, innit
Mess with him and he'll punch your lights
A nasty temper, he's got by rights
A crazy Ginger with bad teeth
Sledge him and he'll lay a wreath
The Ashes in Aus, we expect much joy
Cos we have our nasty red bovver boy
[/Balmy Army sings]

furriner wrote:

PeterCS wrote:Dello!!!!!

There IS a god ...


Good to see you in a grim time, Jay. I hope (obviously) all is well with you.

He's got 2 posts.  Don't encourage the f*cking newb, he should earn his place here.

He saved this place when nobody else lifted a virtual finger. He found it, funded it, fostered it and puled it from the brink once more, Our Great Leader.

Without Him, none of us would be here at all.


You're right. Bastard.

furriner wrote:

PeterCS wrote:Dello!!!!!

There IS a god ...


Good to see you in a grim time, Jay. I hope (obviously) all is well with you.

He's got 2 posts.  Don't encourage the f*cking newb, he should earn his place here.

Exactly. He was too lazy to do an Advent calendar last year.

I imagine rampant "new love sex" far outstrips the excitement of slaving over some lame Forum advent jiggery-pokery every day of the week.

Tell 'em to go fark 'emselves, JD.