Greatest product review ever

by LeFromage Sat 14 Apr 2012, 09:00

I bought some clippers from Amazon a while back, and now they're trying to point me in the direction of hair removal creams and potions.

5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS, 24 Jan 2012
By Andrew - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200ml (Personal Care)

Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)

Don't say you weren't warned.

by Brass Monkey Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:10

My mate Tab used to immac his balls. Said it was OK. I'm so confused. Who to believe?

by Guest Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:11

I've used veet on the area surrounding my knob and bollocks, smells like shit but did the job.

by Guest Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:13

In fact I think I put it on my bollocks and it was okay, can't say I get loads of hair on my knob so can't really remember if I tried that part specifically.

by Brass Monkey Sat 14 Apr 2012, 11:23

Lucky f*cker. The hair groups round my old man like the f*cking Amazon rainforest. If not for hacking at it with the bird's minge trimmers I'd be getting more 70's than Leo Sayer...

by Guest Sat 14 Apr 2012, 13:14

Well it obviously depends on where we define the cut off point to be, but I'd say that even if I was being ultra strict on my measurements then I'd have at the absolute maximum half an inch of hair line on the old chap.

Haven't shaved down there for a while now that I think about it, what with leaving everything while the GF was in SA.

Oh yeah we spoke on the phone two days ago for half an hour after over a month of complete silence. So that was weird. And nice. And she's back in a month.

*Sigh* Round 3/4/5/6/7/8/9/whatever of falling in love and getting my heart sliced up again.

by PeterCS Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:21

vilks:

NEVER use the phrase the cut off point

in the vicinity of this topic.

Unless of course you are a fan of Perrier's Bounty, or some such.

by Guest Sat 14 Apr 2012, 17:21

Aye, I even winced a bit as I wrote it Laughing

.

by taipan Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:16

vilkrang wrote:Well it obviously depends on where we define the cut off point to be, but I'd say that even if I was being ultra strict on my measurements then I'd have at the absolute maximum half an inch of hair line on the old chap.

Haven't shaved down there for a while now that I think about it, what with leaving everything while the GF was in SA.

Oh yeah we spoke on the phone two days ago for half an hour after over a month of complete silence. So that was weird. And nice. And she's back in a month.

*Sigh* Round 3/4/5/6/7/8/9/whatever of falling in love and getting my heart sliced up again.

So the GILF has been kicked into touch.

by Guest Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:34

Oh that was a dead end. One of the few occasions where that could have been taken literal but thankfully it wasn't.

by taipan Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:44

So her end wasn't dead.

by Guest Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:05

taipan wrote:So her end wasn't dead.

Never got to see it.

by skully Sun 15 Apr 2012, 05:20

Quality thread. Laughing

by Brass Monkey Sun 15 Apr 2012, 09:12

Oh leave off Steve! Stay away from that bird... she's wrecked you loads already... in pretty unforgivable manners.... you're like a battered wife.

by Guest Sun 15 Apr 2012, 09:29

Yeah I know. She's going to be living in Bath when she gets back in a month so it's not like I'll see her much. We just cleared the air basically and had a really nice chat. Back to FB friends too and said will go for a coffee with her when she gets back.

by Brass Monkey Sun 15 Apr 2012, 09:32

vilkrang wrote:Yeah I know. She's going to be living in Bath when she gets back in a month so it's not like I'll see her much. We just cleared the air basically and had a really nice chat. Back to FB friends too and said will go for a coffee with her when she gets back.

Personally, I don't think she even deserves your company, but you've probably taken the grown up route, I suppose.

by PeterCS Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:27

BM seems to be saying tell her for coffee, vilks.

by PeterCS Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:28

In BATH?!?

You are sleepwalking your way to disaster man.

No need to celebrate the anniversary of the Titanic that faithfully.

by Brass Monkey Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:35

Aye, put it this way. Is it really going to make you feel better? IMO probably not. Is it going to make her feel better? Much more likely so. Yet she be the one who f*cked your good self over... Of course this all depends on how much self-worth you hold.

by PeterCS Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:36

Or how fast you can get to said Bath.

On a regular basis.

by PeterCS Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:37

But as Dan said, or implied, it sounds rather as if you are a hero if you make such efforts to ease her guilty feelings at the expense of your own longing and frustration.

by Brass Monkey Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:38

PeterCS wrote:Or how fast you can get to said Bath.

Aye, spend 40 quid for a coffee with some bird who sold you a kipper.

by PeterCS Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:39

I was thinking more, Batfink limousines or Dangermouse wings.

by Brass Monkey Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:42

The Battleac is about 7.7L... he may as well get the 40 quid train ticket.

by LeFromage Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:58

vilkrang wrote:Yeah I know. She's going to be living in Bath when she gets back in a month so it's not like I'll see her much. We just cleared the air basically and had a really nice chat. Back to FB friends too and said will go for a coffee with her when she gets back.

Oh no. No, no, no, no. Give it up. Clean break.

No good can come of "friendship" with someone you were virtually self-harming over a few months ago.

Move on. Get yourself a Winchesterite. They're all Japanese students. Well, not all of them. Or even many of them. Just the ones I've noticed. With my Japdar.

No speaka da English so good, and no likey rong time rerationrip. It's the perfect "back on the bike" for you.

You're welcome.

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